PINE NUTS: The Mississippi
Away back in 1673, two noted Canadian etymologists, professors Marquette & Jolliet, elected to explore a river that the Native Canadians called, "Mesippi." So they built themselves a short, though very tall two-story boat, the "Nancy," tall enough to accommodate a bunkbed, and off they sailed. A large crowd gathered to watch them go, for the Nancy did not appear to be very seaworthy, and this might be a fond farewell…
On the very first night out on the river Marquette & Jolliet got into an argument over who was going to get the top bunk. Both wanted it of course, so they agreed to a game of Mumblety-Peg Around the Horn to determine the matter…
If you've never played Mumblety-Peg Around the Horn, it's played with a knife, but first you have to drive a peg into the ground, which Marquette & Jolliet were hesitant to do, for fear of sinking the Nancy, so they tossed the peg overboard and took to hurling the knife in various artistic ways, so as to stick the knife into the deck.
Marquette went first and tossed the knife from between his thumb and forefinger,
burying the knife firmly into the deck of the Nancy. Jolliet went next, flipping the knife with great dexterity from behind his left ear. Marquette answered by sticking the knife with a contorted thrust from behind his back. Jolliet, knowing in his heart of hearts, that he could not duplicate such a feat, removed the knife from the deck of the Nancy with his teeth, according to ancient rules of the game, and conceded the top bunk to Marquette.
There was one thing the self-satisfied Marquette had not taken into account. When he woke up in the middle of the night to find the loo, he forgot he was on the top bunk, a serious miscalculation...
Jolliet heard Marquette hit the floor with a thud and asked, "What in tarnation are you doing?!
Marquette, in a daze, responded, "Where am I?"
"You're on the Mesippi, you ass!"
"How do you spell that?"
"Well, give me a second…M-i-s-s."
"Yes, go on…"
"Mississ…oh, hell, you try it."
"Mississippi?"
"Yes, that will do, write that down. By the way, Marquette, how in blazes are we going to get back home?"
Well, Jolliet, now that you mention it, I hadn't given it much thought, wait for an
earthquake I suppose, and hope the Miss…the dang river flows the other way. What's your take on it?"
"I say we sell the Nancy first thing in the morning to the first natives we come across. We can likely get ten beaver skins for her, then we hike home all the richer for exploring the Miss…oh, hell!"
And this is where we bring our short history of the Miss…of that big muddy river that keeps on rolling along, to a close…
Audio: https://open.spotify.com/show/7Fhv4PrH1UuwlhbnTT23zO
